So it's a week before I head to Scotland.
I am so excited. 1 to climb Ben Nevis and 2 to then shut off and explore skye and other areas of Scotland.
Why am I doing it? Well for me 2 years ago, I had been out of the army for nearly 6 months, working for DWP trying to forget everything that happened and move on in life however struggling with the loss of all my friends, colleagues, structure, routine, career and so much more was so painful. The transition was hard.
Going to the department of community mental health once a month sadly I started to struggle again the transition to much, I felt alone, lost, confused, angry and again many more emotions tryng to think everything is OK. My therapist from DCMH referred me to TILS where I had my assessment and was then placed with my therapist Carolyn from veterans complex treatment service. I remember sitting there answering questions in such a shut down manner as to say what is this going to do that all the other shrink stuff I've received hasn't and no nothing from my childhood has ever effected me. Believe me with so much education from treatment how wrong was I on so many levels..
I can hand on my heart say that without the treatment I've received over the past 2 years I truly do not know where I would be. I honeslty believe I would have tried to end the pain and suffering again 💔 and again for it to potentially end in a devastating way. I didnt know how to process my feelings, what to feel, how to be vulnerable or believe in myself. I was useless, a failure, disappointment 😞 and couldn't see any light or even be kind to myself.
Me and my friend Ashleigh were planning a trip anyway so we said let's go to Scotland to do Ben Nevis and explore. At this point I was in a good place and thought it only be right to give back something.
My therapist put up with so much from me being shut down, in denial, email after email of uncertainty, pain, confusion. Saying that's it I'm done and I'm wanting to quit. At times unable to speak, express what the hell is going on in my head she took the time to read some awfully worded, confusing emails in which she picked at it and helped me understand and for that andnso much more I'm forever grateful 🙏.
I needed to thank both Carolyn and the service that I have and am receiving from the NHS veterans complex treatment service. So I said to Ashleigh I'm doing the Ben Nevis climb for charity after contacting people and researching I decided to raise money for Walking With The Wounded in order to give back to other veterans that require the help and support needed during difficult times. Walking With The Wounded work in partnership with the service that I've received my treatment from so it was all connected and I was happy to begin promoting my challenge ahead.
I've done as much as I can training wise within the limits of my restrictions with my hips, fibromyalgia and arthritis. Only a few years ago I had my left hip reconstructed due to hip dysplasia requiring my pelvis to be completely cut in 3 places and screwed back in place as it was giving way on me time after time. I was reliant on walking sticks, strong pain medication and at times still need help as my other hip has a significant possibility of requiring surgery. So along with the mental health my physical health isn't the best. Both of these use to rule my life. I've had to learn and turn so much around for me to be in control.
Carolyn has truly saved my life, bought me back to life and taught me so much. Nothing I can do can ever thank her enough 🙏. To carry on fighting you need to allow vulnerability, be courageous, strong, believe in yourself, be ready to dig deep work through the difficult traumas/times of your life, be open, honest, and do the work outside of the sessions. A therapist will NOT take away the anxiety, PTSD they will however work with you to give you the tools required to be in control and on the times your not and you are struggling you need to be kind to yourself and do things for you, do something that makes you happy, set boundaries, explore and find what you enjoy.
Hence my Scotland trip #pilgrimage I get so emotional thinking about it. I feel its been such a long journey that when I reach the top of that mountain ⛰ I know I've have survived. I mean I know I have yet this is something different, something special a line to draw and remember never to cross back other and there is nothing more special that doing it with my friend Ashleigh. Ashleigh has also been a rock in my recovery. Having only know her for just over 2 years we have grown a connection for such an amazing friendship. After work bringing us together as colleagues, nature bought us together as friends and now as we say #adventurequeens. Thank you Ashleigh for being my friend, after therapy support, rock, fun, laughter, explorer and adventure partner in crime. Let's do this.
I suffered for so long not knowing how to process anything. I understand how difficult it is to the point suicide was the easiest option rather than addressing the pain, emotions and feelings. However there is and can be light again. ✨ it will and can take time. 7 years it's taken me to finally feel happy with being alive. Dont let that put you off with the right therapist, it being the right time and hard work from yourself you can do it.
I never want any veteran to struggle in silence and I'm so proud that the tweets I send, the rubbish I write in the blogs have reached many and I have received messages to say they have asked for help. That to me means the world 🌎❤ and I am so very proud of them that they have taken the first steps, allowed that vulnerability to reach out and say I'm struggling. So please don't carry on believing your not enough, your trauma isn't valid enough or you weak, pathetic or that no one care because they do. We need to know that your not coping take that first step and ask for help. You matter, you are worthy, your trauma is valid regardless.
Once I complete Ben Nevis and share the news and no doubt a very emotional video I will be signing off for a few days not to be ignorant, but I need time after to reflect, recover, explore more and count my blessing for all the support that I've received including all the donations and retweets from you all. I hope you understand my choice and once again a massive thank you for the donations so far.
So on that note if you would like to donate no matter how much as every penny counts here is the link to my just giving page.
https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/kara-sennett2?utm_source=sms
Thank you to the work that walking with the wounded are doing with assisting veterans in need and referring where necessary xx
Thank you Carolyn from veterans complex treatment service 🙏🙌💞
And thank yoi Ashleigh my amazing friend ❤
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