Its okay to feel

 After some bad intense feelings last night being triggered to feel these feelings and then my emotions went into overdrive I allowed myself time, Time that this morning its still there but I cannot allow my thoughts to roll with it. During the time I was being sexually harassed, bullied, assaulted at work by my Sgt in front off a Warrant Officer and others I escaped and took a trip to Canada for my leave to visit family. I had been to Canada before as I started to try go once a year either summer or winter. I would visit my aunties, uncles and cousins. I absolutely loved the difference in life there. I was so excited to get away from the horror that was happening at work to have to space, freedom, me time to forget. I was staying with my auntie, uncle and 2 cousins they would be at school during the day and my auntie a twin would car share and head to work at the airport with her sister. So I would relax, walk the dog, go for a run just complete me time. Perfection springs to mind...

 Its been a few days from coming out of what seems to have been a bit of a depressive episode as such. It starts where I cry so much, all the time. I cannot pin point why or what is even bothering me. Everything bothers me.  I don't want to talk, see people, interact via SM nothing. I get up and plodge through the day to do my job. I don't get dressed (thank gosh for working from home). My healthy eating goes out the window and I over eat. My sleep becomes worst than normal which doesn't help and heightens every feeling and emotions by ten folds.  My thoughts become negative, nothing will ever get better, is this going to be it for ever?. I become very exhausted both mentally and physically. I also suffer with pain in my body but during these times its much more noticeable and adds more to what your trying to cope with already. I cut the world off. Where you actually need to be reaching out and saying I'm struggling. I become hard on myself. That inner criric come on st...