Its okay to feel

I wasn't even 18 when I boarded that train to head down to Pirbright to start my training to become a soldier in the British Army. 8th October 2000 Preston - Pirbright. Years in the Air Cadet before and I loved every moment and couldn't see myself doing anything other than being in the Armed Forces.  Heading out on night Excercise  Show at Lake windermere  Basic training was hard, I didnt expect it to be easy it was also so very rewarding. The long days, sleepless nights, running round in circles, press ups after press ups, hill reps, inspections, block jobs, discipline they all resulted in the most rewarding day. My (our) pass off parade and what a day that was.WE DID IT, WE MADE IT. Standing tall, bursting with pride we were ready for the next stage, slowly we were moving to the real army. GIRLS WE SMASHED IT. Pass off section photo I went to Deepcut during a difficult time there was so many mixed emotions being there. I had a difficult time but kept my head down, never...

Suicidal thoughts even now after coming up 4 years since my last suicide attempt i still get them, I still feel an overwhelming sense i should have done it, i don't want to feel anymore, be here, I'm a disappointment to my children & family, they are better without a messed up mum, wife, they would be happier.  However the thoughts of wanting to do it now are different in a way. I can sit (it takes time) and think I'm not as bad as I was a few years back. I have more strength, knowledge, understanding on my feelings, emotions, what's causing this pain & upset that allows me to stop, figure it out, reach out, write things down, get it out of me and process it in order to carry on fighting. It can be done. I've suppressed emotions practically all my life, its only now with the help of my amazing therapist I am understanding they are there to guide you, tell you how you feel, allow you to process, fix and figure things out. Allowing your feelings is not weak it...