Its okay to feel

I find it so hard to accept I have complex PTSD, I try to think I don't, act like I am ok, like I can forget about it and pretend its not their. I find myself feeling disgusting, sad in a way, pathetic like because I wasn't front line, blown up etc etc etc yet it cripples me at times and I beat myself up so much, yet I hide so much of my feelings from my loved ones ahsamed like, because to me I should be over everything and none of my traumas should effect me. Some people assume you should just get over your traumas, forget about it, think about the future, forget the past etc etc. If only it was that simple believe me I would be doing that and I wouldn't have the rush of fear when I drive or even as a passenger that I hide so well, I wouldn't feel trapped and so alone, scared and unsupported like I was in Kabul so I never ask for help because I was so use to getting on with it, digging deep and pushing myself to the brink of breakdown. I wouldn't allow memories of ...